everything i need to do i forget, and when i remember i can't focus, and when i can focus i can't process any of it. i can't even understand my own thoughts. how is everything so loud but so fuzzy at the same time? everyone says i got better but i just got better at hiding it. and there's so much to do all of the time and it piles and presses and squeezes until you don't know how to be a person anymore. everything is so loud and scary and i cant even manage to turn my head without spiraling. but i look better, so i'm better.
i didn't die in the hospital, but maybe i wouldn't have so many medical bills which i keep forgetting to pay because i needed another thing to be completely incompetent at. i can't shower or eat or read or take my medicine or find joy in anything because how can i when everything hurts so much.
but i'm better, really,
i just need to
focus